I’m not sure why I’m sitting here writing this… there was no epiphany, there was no revelation, there was no… change… The song “Realize” by Colbie Caillat came on the radio and as I began to sing the harmonizing verse that I would often do with that and songs like it, I realized that I could never do that in person with Emily… The thing with Kelsey is that i no longer look at her like that…I like her as though she were my sister and that has its own reasons inandof itself that I will not divulge here. Not to mention that she has a boyfriend… but that’s neither here nor there. I realize that I have so much fun with anything that I’m doing and the only thing that truly seems to kill the mood is when I talk about Emily or must answer a text from her. I have noticed that the smile that exists carefree on my face suddenly vanishes when her name comes up in conversation. I harmonized all the “if you’d just realize what I’ve just realized” and I thought to myself “… You know how this is going to end… this isn’t going to end well regardless of if it happens now or later… There is no happy medium. I am blamed (inadvertently) for her lack of pursuance of higher education and she won’t let me help her with her problems. However, no matter how many excuses I make up, I can’t escape the fact that I…
Are these really the right words? Is it true? Am I really feeling like this right now? Is this the dark nature of night that retains me in its everlasting clutches? Can I escape this feeling come dawn? Do I really want to be saying these things? Are these the right words? Is this really going to be the state of our affairs? Will we recover from this? Will this really be an event in my life to teach and inspire me to evolve? Can I shed this pitiful shell? Is there really a step following this? Are these the right words?
They must be the right words. This pit in my stomach tells me that they are the words that need to be said but are the worst words known to the human race. The set of words that no one wants to say and the set of words that even less people want to hear… Perhaps this rent could be mended with time or perhaps just a moment with her would be enough to repair the destruction that this situation is presenting to my heart…. They must be the right words. There comes a time in life where these words must be said. Only when I say these words can I truly decipher whether or not they are from the heart or from the head. The questions that whiz through my head are starting to fade the more I think about that one phrase. I can not say for sure if it was due to a single event and I can not say for sure that it is the result of any event at all. I can not say that this is not simply an inevitable quandary fated to rear its ugly head. They must be the right words.
I don’t love her anymore.
helplessromanticist 
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