I stared intently at the clock as the digital numbers counted upwards. The time was 5:03 and it was just 12 minutes away from the time I was to pick up Emily for the Starbucks social we go to ever second and fourth Thursday. All of a sudden, it hit me. I really did want to kiss her last night. What should I do? Should I make some lame, cheezy, romantic speech about how much of a fool I was for not planting my lips on hers as soon as I grabbed her right before taking her right there on the front porch? Should I wait things out and see how the night progresses? So many different ideas shot through my mind that when I realized what was happening, it was already 5:18 and I was officially behind schedule. I threw on my shoes and sprinted for the car, barely stopping to lock the door to my friend’s apartment behind me. After getting caught in a bit of traffic and showing up almost 10 minutes late, I hopped out of the car, composed myself, and began my “cool” walk up to the front door. Before I had a chance to go up the single step to the front door, it opened and I saw Emily’s smile for a brief second before she flung her arms around my neck and pulled me close. With the added step, she was about my height. As her head approached mine, I felt her plant a kiss on my cheek. I reciprocated and held her tightly in my arms. It was a little while before I saw her face again, but in time we pulled back and looked into each other’s smiling faces while simultaneously signing “how are you?” We giggled and I apologized and motioned for her to go first.
“How are you? How was your day?” She signed to me with one hand while digging her key out of her purse with the other.
“It was good… I didn’t really do anything, I got gas for the car and went to lunch with my friend… That was about it…” I slowly looked her up and down. It was probably close to, if not over, 90 degrees outside and she had on long blue jeans and a red, button up, plaid shirt buttoned up half way with a black tank top underneath. She was gorgeous, but I had to ask “It’s really warm out, are you sure you’re not overdressed…?”
She chuckled a bit and looked down at what she was wearing. “No, I should be fine. I get cold easily and it might get colder at night.” She locked the door and hopped off the step to be right next to me. I slipped my arm around her and I felt her hand slide around my side and then move up my back til it was right in the middle. I pulled her closer into a sort of side hug as we walked to the car and she told me about her day.
We got in the car and it seemed that all the anxiety was gone, there was only Emily. We chatted on the drive to Starbucks about family, preferred times of arrival (I apologized for being late, that’s how that conversation started), and other random topics. Upon arriving at Starbucks, I thought back to all the times I saw her there and asked if she wanted something to drink only getting a “water’s fine” response. In order to keep up “tradition” I asked her: “Do you want anything to drink?”
“Hmm… Get me the same thing you gave me last time.” She replied with a small smile. The last time that I was there, I had ordered myself a Captain Crunch frappuchino and insisted she try it because it didn’t have any coffee in it (She doesn’t like coffee). She surprised herself by liking it.
“Ok” I said with a beaming smile back at her. “I’ll try something new for myself so you can try something new, ok?”
She beamed back at me. “Sure!” She signed. We poured over the secret menu I had saved in my phone and both decided that I should get the Cinnamon roll Frappuchino. I ordered the drinks and handed her hers while also offering her a sip of mine (which she liked better). We found seats next to each other and began chatting with the people around us and with each other. Many times, the conversations with the other people would lull at the same time and we would fall back onto each other for amusement. We joked back and forth and to me, the rest of the people started to sort of melt away. As time went on, we were joined by my friend Colleen who had met Emily before and knew that we were dating. Colleen had come over to us and began the basic chit chat and to my surprise, many times, Emily would finish sentences for me or answer questions for me (getting everything right, I might add) and I would do the same for her.
“You work at Cost Plus World Market right?” Colleen asked me.
As I began to sign “no” Emily answered in my stead. “No, he works at _____. He works mostly on the weekends and I work on weekdays.” She gave me a sympathetic look and put her hand on my leg. I put my hand on hers and squeezed it a bit and smiled at her. The rest of the conversation went a lot like that. I would answer questions for Emily and she would answer questions for me. It was quite endearing if you think about it. As the night wore on, Emily would keep joking with me and putting her hand on my leg, causing me to hold onto her hand while we smiled at each other. We wound up holding hands for the rest of the night while signing with our free hands.
We began chatting among ourselves and she had told me about a couple guys who had been stalking her at work. I gallantly told her to point them out to me the next time she saw them if I was there. She smiled at me and told me that she would. She then asked about my grandfather who has been very ill as of late with just a few days to a couple weeks left to live. I explained the story with my left hand while she took my right in both of hers. I rubbed my thumb against her cold palms as I felt them warming up from my touch. I would look her in the eyes and see a look of sadness and sympathy on her face. I would often smile back and tell her that it was nothing to worry about yet and that I’m not too worried, just living day to day. The conversation turned to the weather and the air conditioning being on full blast and how cold Emily was getting. I told her to sit closer to me and instead she gave me a hug to see how warm I really was. She was shocked at how warm she got from just a few seconds. Throughout the night, the baristas would walk around and give us free samples of food and pastries and by the end of the event, each of us had eaten a sample of a random pastry, had a bag of their new “lemon loaf” and a cake pop. As soon as Emily received her cake pop she got all excited because it was pink colored and she joked about how she planned to bring it to work and brag to everyone else who didn’t have one. I endearingly looked at her and told her to take mine so she could brag more. She smiled and insisted that she didn’t want it and of course I insisted right back that she take it. Emily squeezed my hand a little bit an smiled at me, finally accepting my gift to her. Soon after that, it was time to go. We both stood up and I collected all the things on the table, leaving her hands free to sign and say bye to people while I did the same with my one free hand. That is, when it wasn’t draped around Emily’s torso. I went to hold the door open for her as I felt the blast of heat from the outside hit me. Emily stepped out too, crossing her arms firmly across her chest in attempt to beat the cold. I draped my arm around her as soon as she stepped outside and held her close, trying to warm her up faster. We got back to the car and I set everything down and insisted again that she take the cake pop and that all the food was hers.
“Are you sure?” She asked me, pulling one of the cake pops wrapped neatly in a bag. “It’s all pink and delicious looking… Are you suuuuure you don’t want to eat it?” She had the goofiest smile on her face and was giggling through it.
“Yes.” I signed back with a smile. “I’m sure. It’s yours, bring it to work and show it off to everyone.”
Emily’s gaze softened along with her smile and she said “ok” putting the cake pop back in the center console with the rest of the food items. I slowly stretched my arm out to pull her in closer to me and we came in for what looked like a hug, but as I felt her lips press against my cheek, I pulled back and she came into me and we were kissing. I felt her soft lips against mine and her tongue flick against my own as we barely slowed down to breathe. I felt her hands come up on the side of my neck, pulling my head towards her own. While I had one arm around her, the other was holding the seatbelt which I quickly released to bring it around to hold her waist. We kissed for what felt like blissful eternity until she pulled me closer to her, our cheeks moving past each other and I kissed her cheek down to her neck and collarbone where I gently kissed her over and over again, hearing her breathing heavily in my ear. I moved her hair gently out of the way with one hand while I held her as close as I could with the other. I kissed up her neck once more until I reached her cheek and was back again at her lips. We kissed without pause nor second thought and our heads moved in perfect sync and nothing else seemed to matter except the two of us, right there, right then. Every so often, she would pull me closer to her, begging me to kiss her neck again but I was gentle with it each time, I didn’t want to be sending her home with any hickeys after all. I don’t know how much time had passed, but eventually we stopped. Both breathing heavily and smiling like idiots.
“I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time…” I signed to her.
“Really?” She asked me, raising one eyebrow. “How long?”
“Hmm…” I said, trying to think. It was at this time that I realized that I was incapable of thought… I was surprised i was signing at all. “I don’t know… just… a really long time.” I reached out my arm to put my hand on her cheek and she pressed her cheek up against my hand and lightly kissed my palm. I slowly stroked her cheek with my thumb and smiled at her.
“I wish you could just kiss me all night til I fall asleep.” She said to me slowly with a sly smile.
“I wish I could. I don’t really want to go home anymore…” I told her. I was planning on driving back home shortly after I dropped her off at home. I pushed my hand back to hold the back of her neck and went back in for another few kisses before she said “We need to go.” I agreed and we were off. After we pulled out of the parking lot, I reached my right hand over and put it on top of her left and she intertwined her fingers with mine and held it tight, rubbing the top of my hand and my forearm with her right.
“I’ve never kissed a hearing boy before…” She told me with a small smile.
“Really?” I asked, receiving a small head shake in response. “Well, how’d I do?”
Emily’s smile widened. “Good.” She signed. I smiled back. “Have you ever kissed another Deaf girl?” She asked me.
“No… Just you.” I said. “I don’t have many opportunities to meet many Deaf girls.”
Emily simply said “oh” and her smile stayed and she kept rubbing my arm. We chatted about past relationships and soon it became time to tell my story. I paused for a while and Emily was afraid that she had offended me, offering that it was ok if I didn’t explain. I assured her that I have no trouble talking about it, but it’s difficult to figure out where to begin. I started at the end and told her my story, getting the same reactions that I got from everyone else who had ever heard it. When Emily heard that Talitha was 19 as well, she asked me “Are you afraid that we would be similar since I’m 19 too?” With an added slight frown.
“No.” I said with a smile. “Definitely not. She……”
“was screwed up?” Emily finished with a smile.
“Yes.” I said, grinning at her, “exactly. You’re already 50 times better than she was.” The next red light that we hit, she tugged at my arm til I was close enough for her to kiss and we made out until the light turned green. Around this time, I thought I had gotten lost. What had really happened was that I hadn’t gone far enough. We drove around for about half an hour, finding time to steal kisses from each other at every red light until we found somewhere familiar to get us back. The conversations didn’t stop though.
“Guess how long ago was the last time I kissed someone.” Emily requested.
“I don’t know… how long?” I asked.
“5 years.” She told me.
“Really?” I said incredulously. “5 years? wow, that’s a long time…”
“What about you?” She asked.
“About nine months… Since I had broken up with my ex.”
“oh…” she said. She began talking about a boy she dated for a couple months when she was 13 years old and it had taken her a whole year to get over him. Apparently the guy was a bit of a player and it broke her heart and she left him. I guess that bodes well for me. I apologized profusely for making her so late and after many times saying “it’s fine, it’s fine” She threw me off by answering “It’s ok. It gives me more time to make out with you.” I smiled at her and snuck in a kiss. “Don’t worry about it, honey” She signed to me. I looked at her adoringly. Was she seriously giving me a cutesy nickname? I honestly didn’t mind it though. However, Honey is the name of her friend’s dog and of course I had to make a joke.
“Great,” I said. “I have the same name as the dog…” I smiled at her as she laughed and pulled my arm towards her again for another kiss.
We drove and chatted until we finally arrived at her house. I stole one last batch of kisses from Emily before she got out of the car, almost forgetting all the food she was given. We waved bye to each other and I watched her slip into the house before backing down the drive. I drove the rest of the way back to Chloe’s apartment slowly. I couldn’t stop thinking about Emily and her kisses. I wanted so bad to be able to keep her with me and kiss her all night long without falter. I got back to Chloe’s place and began telling her about my amazing night while skipping over some minor details before I heard my ipod ding with a notification.
“I feel like I want to just kiss you forever…” Emily sent me with the obligatory “good night and sweet dreams.”
I smiled down at my ipod and Chloe immediately knew who it was as I typed out my response: “I miss you already… I wish I could just take you home with me and kiss you until we both fell asleep. Good night beautiful. Sweet dreams.” I added the romantically obligatory smile at the end and put down my ipod because I knew that my dear, sweet Emily was already asleep.
The drive home was a blur and all I remember doing was paying attention to the sparse red lights ahead of me and thinking about kissing Emily. I remembered every detail precisely. The way her skin smelled, the taste of her frapuchino on her breath, the coldness of her tongue against mine. The smoothness of her skin under my fingers, the feeling of her cold little hands against my face as they got warmer with each passing second. As I drove, I could almost feel the distance between us getting greater and greater to an almost unbearable level. But I know that I will see her again soon. I will do everything in my power that I can to make sure that I keep seeing this girl because for once in my life I’m getting the classic, movie-esque romance that I’ve always wanted. I don’t think I’ve been this completely happy and content in a long time.
helplessromanticist 
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